Menopause

Menopause

It’s not a chapter.

It’s a day

Excuse me?!

Menopause is one day in your life. 

The day you celebrate (or mourn) not having your period for one full year. 

That day is going to hit everyone differently. 

I say mourn, for myself, because I wanted children. 

And no matter what we tried (even intense fertility drugs and treatments) - nothing worked.

So, it’s a tough one for some. 

It’s definitely rough for me.

To realize, there is no longer even a whisper of a chance.

It hurts. 

But I’m embracing where I’m at - and letting that pain become a part of me but not overtake me.

More facts for you:

Did you also know that your clock can reset?

Oh yea. It can!

Say you’re going along, accepting the fact that “Okay, I must be close to my Menopause Day. Maybe I’ll get a cake?!”

And then BAM. Blood.

If it’s been more than 6 months and you get a period - your clock resets and you wait.

Maybe for another year. Maybe 7 more.

Who knows?!

(Insert nervous anxious laugh here)

Did you know that you could be in perimenopause for 7-14 years?

I didn’t know that either.

Hahaha! Fun, right?!?

(Insert high pitched screaming laugh here!)

I was sure I was going to hit the year mark this Summer. 

And then one day I felt really off. 

I started having those cramps, the kind that come in hard and fast. 

The ones that warn you to stay close to a bathroom. Like, very close.

I started to blame the food I’d eaten the night before, “why did I eat chili before a morning workout?! Oh gawd, WHY?!.”

Thankfully, Dear Reader, it wasn’t the chili.

It was period cramps. I was shocked.

It had been so damn long since I’d felt them that I started to point my finger at my other parts first.

Which was bizarre to me, because had it been a year prior, I would have immediately realized I was having PMS symptoms and would’ve expected The Cramps.

I noticed, too, other symptoms that I’d been ignoring: 

sore boobs, cranky lower back, acne (when does that end?!), and … wee bits o’ blood.

Shit. 

I wanted cake.

But, ok, did that constitute a period? 

(Can you even have a phantom period?

I’m not sure about that.)

In my research, tho, I did find that you can have a very light flow, and it’s considered a period.

“Other months, your period may be so light that it resembles spotting, rather than its usual robust flow” - Alloy 

Light flow is NOT something I know much about. At. All.

My period always looked like a scene out of a horror film, something that would’ve grossed out 

Freddy Krueger.

But, light or not, there was blood. I had a damn period.

Clock. Reset.

Can I still have some cake?

This is a lot.

Okay, so there you have it:

even the teeniest of bleeds equals a period which equals one more year in Peri.

**Which also means you can still get pregnant. 

For me that would be a very welcome surprise.

But for many, it wouldn’t. 

So - be careful out there!**

Oh, and once you get to eat your 

Menopause Day cake all by yourself -

you’re considered postmenopausal 

for 

the 

rest 

of 

your 

life. 

(that’s heavy and definitely a conversation for another day)

Be good to you.

ILY

Talk more soon